It is revealed in today’s papers that Eck intends to ask some of our greatest writers to write the Independence White Paper. But why should he stop with writers, why not poets? And Indeed, why not the most famous poet of all to hail from the Nationalist stronghold of Dundee?
While the man himself would I am sure be willing to turn his efforts to the entire document, that would surely be unfair to the other wordsmiths on call, so my suggestion is that he should be restricted to the introduction. Here is his first draft.
An Introduction to the Independence White Paper by William Topaz McGonagall (aged 188)
Beautiful Independence Referendum called by the SNP!
As historic a historic moment as there will ever be,
For the Eighteenth of September Two Thousand and Fourteen,
Will be as historic a day in history as we have ever seen.
Oh, wonderful leader who has taken us to this moment
And wonderful people who make up this historic movement
For the cause of our liberation is not just stuff of dreams
It also has the support of Blair Jenkins, some Trotskyites and two thirds of the Greens
Woe on the roguish Unionists and their trait’rous Project Fear
Their negative scaremongering will never to true Scots endear
For them to succeed in their endeavours would be equal to a crime
And that would be remembered for a very long time
But all true Scottish Patriots will surely their efforts foil
Particularly if they remember our fish, our whisky and particularly our oil
And lots of other things as well, too numerous to even mention
And aren’t too concerned about affording the old age pension.
So, to you, our Gracious Sovereign is this proposal dedicated
For we will remain your loyal subjects, albeit in a way somewhat belated
And we’ll keep not just your head on the currency but the currency itself
And after every meal continue to toast your health.
And so my faithful readers my task draws to a close
With the thought that for a cause so great surely poetry is superior to prose
And it also has the advantage of carrying greater conviction
And less likely to remind you that the document itself is largely a work of fiction
Postscript. That's all from me for the moment. I’m off to Italy next weekend, so I’ll see you all next month.